I've moved!

www.tehsusukim.wordpress.com

as if i will be updating. well just in case!

i am contemplating on moving to wordpress or lj.
which shld i go.

leaning towards wordpress though.


rah. not like i update anws.

i can be so wrong abt so many things in my life.
today, i found another one.

for the longest time, she was my best.
for the longest time, she was my only.
and for the longest time, she was the one i relied on.

i never thought anyone cld take her place.
i sincerely felt grateful for her presence, and how she seemed to support me all the way no matter what.
and when things go bad, i always thought to myself, well, you've got her and she will get your back.

even when i had the canneries, i always thought, she comes first.
i wld gladly push anything and everything away w the canneries to be with her if she asked.

despite the few times where i was hurt that she had seemed to forget abt me, or that i didn't matter as much to her as she was to me, i actually convinced myself i was the one who's being over-sensitive and insecure.

now it just didn't matter.

to be absolutely honest, i was really sad to see those pictures.
and i thought of the lil things she might have said to them when i wasn't ard,
like how she told me abt his lil things.

it may be a joke to them or her, but it's as private as it can be to me.

but now, i think i am over it.
cause now, at the very least, i am starting to earn my own keeps.

i may not have the best family, but tt's not gg to bring me down.
i know alot out there who heard are starting to think

"it's not that serious."
"she's being damn childish over smth so small."

the fact is they are not me, and the fact is they didn't go through what i did since i was borned.

i had been very optimistic abt everything cause i hate being serious and bringing everyone's mood down over my own sad story, which i think to myself, it's actually not that sad.
i made jokes outta everything i said abt my family even though sometimes i may not mean it.
i appearred nonchalant and can't be bothered but she had no idea how much this whole thing troubled me.

it will no longer hurt me as much anymore.
it will take some time, yes, but i am sure not before long, i'll be completely over it.


it's hard to find a someone whom you can call your best.

i'm not sad that i've kinda lost mine, cause somehow i managed to see who's the one who had always been there.

i know who are they now.
though there are only a handful.
i hope i am not wrong abt it again.

and i swear to god, one day i will shake all these off.
i swear.

always thought we loved one another deep down but we chose not to express it.

after all these years.
i realised only till today, the foundation of this love i had imagined it to be, is based on a piece of paper.
maybe many pieces of that paper.


never been close to them like others have been.
never thought it would mean anything to me.

but it still hurts.

i guess this is it.
this marks the end of us.

I. AM. ACTUALLY.

WORKING.

i cannot believe it myself.
i am working.

no eye candies so far.
so things to look forward to are lunches and dinners.

and i still have nth much on hands to do.
so feel free to talk to if you see me online.
even if i am "busy", you know i am actually uber free.

and i just got praised for doing smth really small and meaningless.
registration for 10 mins.
i merely stood there.

oh wells. better than nth.

somehow i can't help but wanna thank asri for the way he "trained" us back then in esplanade.

in any case.
money is now my very top priority.
dreams, freedom, fun job, long beauty sleeps are no longer on the list.

i need cash.
i need blings!

it's the second time she needs to go to the hospital for surgery.

back then it was some laser operations on the neck which the doc said can lead to cancer if not treated.
so she got all these red spots all over her neck after the laser-ing stuff.

now she has to go for a tumour removal.
it started with a small bump on the elbow, and now it has evovled into a lump that is so obvious.
yet i never took notice till now.

she didn't tell me if it'e benign or not.
she doesn't seems to want to talk much abt it at all.
all the errs, ahs and huhs.
if she can just talk to me.

i need to get a life.
i need to stop idling and grow up.

God, why?
why her?

i miss miss miss miss miss my SHINHWA so much.










my ORANGE MEN~~~~~~~
(no more boys cause they are really old but ah. still so charismatic.)

i need to get my dosage of shinhwa-ness now.

OZZY'S OUT OF SURVIVOR MICRONESIA!!!!!!!
oh my.

was abit devastated cause he is really FRIGGIN' HOT and sorta the eye candy of the show.
but i wasn't as devastated as i thought i wld be.

he was getting cocky.
and all his flirting with girls.
TSK.
make me angry.

but he's still hot nonetheless.
rah. if only he used his immunity.
if only i cld have told him.

bah. bring him back pretty pls?
at least for a few episodes more?
not as a jury tt is.

if everything goes well, i may be starting work this coming mon or tues.
it's an office job, but not like i will stay forever.
just for the money i'm gonna do it.
yup.

rene. rem. to clal me along for the banqueting.